7 Simple Ways To Appreciate Your Spouse

When it comes to failing at marriage, my husband and I have both previously been there done that.  In the beginning of our relationship, we spent hours talking with each other about our ex spouses; the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.  We longed to know every detail about each other's past because we knew we were falling in love and we had a strong desire to do everything right this time.

Oddly (or perhaps not so strange at all) the main reason we both felt our previous marriages failed was because we didn't feel appreciated.  Admittedly, we had both fallen short in showing appreciation too.

I'm so grateful for the open communication we shared early on because I believe it helped us enter into marriage on the right foot, while also strengthening us for the difficult times we've endured along the way.

As it turns out, showing appreciation towards each other is not really all that mind numbing.  It's actually quite rewarding!


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Here are 7 simple ways to bless your spouse {and your marriage} with a healthy dose of appreciation:

  1. A simple Thank You goes a long way.  Be aware of opportunities to thank your spouse for the efforts they make in creating a wonderful life with you.  If you're a stay at home mom, thank your husband for going to work every day so you can stay home with the kids.  Not everyone can afford such a luxury.  Guys, did your wife work her booty off to clean the house and prepare your favorite meal today?  Thank her for her loving actions.
  2. Speak proudly of your spouse to others.  This is one of those great opportunities to lift your lover's confidence by shouting your admiration to the world.  Make sure he/she is within earshot first, or your words will have less impact.  Something like, "After months of working long hours and being totally stressed out, John got a promotion at work today!  I'm so proud of him!" is a great example of proudly speaking words of appreciation.
  3. Submit to each other.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife… ~Ephesians 5:22   Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… ~Ephesians 5:25   Often misunderstood, the whole biblical issue of submitting to your spouse simply means for wives to love and respect their husbands as the leader or head of the home and husbands are to love their wives abundantly, putting her well being above all other things.  This sign of appreciation truly is the key to a loving, happy marriage.
  4. Connect intimately.  You may not realize it, but making love is a symbol of appreciation.  It's also a huge factor in keeping the spark alive in your marriage.  Spending one-on-one time together is vital.  If you do nothing else on this list, make sure you are giving yourself intimately to your spouse.  Don't wait for them to make the move.  Initiate time together.  It's not always sexual intimacy either.  Truly connecting means loving your spouse both physically and emotionally.
  5. Don't overbook down time.  I'm guilty of this in my marriage.  My husband works all week long and would like to enjoy down time, resting, hanging out with our family in the comfort of our home.  The last thing he wants to do is run all over town from one planned event to another only to realize his entire weekend just flew by and he got no rest at all.  Occasional get togethers with friends, or fun family adventures are certainly necessary and a healthy component to living a life of joy.  Just be respectful of your spouse and how they would like to spend their time off.  Don't overbook.
  6. Smile.  Body language speaks volumes.  You may be completely engrossed in cooking breakfast, but if your spouse approaches you only to find a scowl on your face, that will no doubt send the message that you're irritated or upset with them.  Whenever you come face to face with your spouse, look them in the eye and smile.  It's so simple and can really change the mood of a conversation, literally pouring new life into your marriage.
  7. Listen intently; show an interest in what he/she says.  When we show zero interest in what our spouse has to say, we are essentially telling them we don't value them as a person.  My husband loves to talk about the latest technology and politics.  If I'm not careful to pay close attention to what he's saying, my eyes soon glaze over and my mind will wander.  He's no fool.  He can see it happening.  Thankfully, he knows me well and understands how my brain shuts down with certain subjects.  It doesn't change the fact that it's hurtful though.  If you don't know anything about what your spouse is talking about, make it a point to ask lots of questions and get interested in it.  Let them know you care about what they care about.  You would want them to do the same for you.


Showing love and appreciation happens in a multitude of ways.

What would you add to this list?

 Did you know 7 Simple Ways To Appreciate Your Spouse



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 7 Simple Ways To Appreciate Your Spouse
Rosann is wife to the man of her dreams and stay-at-home mom to two delightful little girls. Her heart's greatest passions are loving her family well, long-distance running, writing, and pretty much anything dark chocolate peanut butter. Rosann loves to encourage women whose husbands are in a season of unemployment, at her other website UnEmployedFaith.com. Her writing inspiration comes from a strong desire to glorify God while sharing the heart of her journey through a life of faith. She is also the Author of two books - UnEmployed Faith: Clothing Yourself in Strength and Perseverance Through his Season of Unemployment, and Refuel Your Inner SuperMom: A Practical Guide to Getting Your Groove Back.
 7 Simple Ways To Appreciate Your Spouse

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  1. Leigh @oneandoneequalstwinfun.com

    Thank you for this uplifting reminder. I feel so blessed to be staying home right now and taking care of our boys. All your points were so valid, I think it's so important to communicate. I'm really guilty of overbooking time off since I want to get out of the house! I'm looking forward to date night this Thursday!

    • Rosann

      Leigh, you are so welcome! And thank you for stopping by and commenting. Communication is definitely important in a marriage. Enjoy date night!


  2. Sarah

    What a great list! My husband and I pretty much do all of those, except I am guilty of the glazed look. I have thought about it lately too, how I need to just be interested in what he does, even though it's all "greek to me". I love him, and he really wants me apart of his life in these ways. :)

    I would add trust to the list. That to me is a very large part in marriage. Maintain a trust between the two. Adam and I made a decision before we even got engaged, as friends (even though were knew we were falling in love) he bared his soul to me. The dirty past, EVERYTHING, and I to him. We know each other more then anyone, besides the Lord. We are very careful to maintain this trust. Anything that needs to be opened up to and said, we say it. I am sure it helps that we were best friends first. ;)

    This one is a good one! "Speak proudly of your spouse to others" So many times I here people complain about their spouses, in fact more times then not. I never grew up in that environment, so it's easy for me to fall into not doing that. But I find it sad that seems more normal to complain then to lift up.

    Love this post, Rosann! :)

    • Rosann

      Thanks Sarah! YES, trust is such an important factor in a marriage. To know each other and communicate intimately, there has to be a certain level of trust. Being best friends definitely helps! I frequently hear people "play" complain about their spouses and unfortunately that's just as disrespectful and speaking it with intent. Plus, I often wonder when I'm watching a couple "play" bicker with each other if it ultimately ends in a fight later on. Never a good thing.

      Hugs to you!

  3. Sharon Larson

    This is wonderful! I'll be sharing this on my page soon.

    • Rosann

      Thank you Sharon!! YES please...share away!

  4. Dayna Musto

    This is a wonderful list. Are you both Christian? I think what I would add is that communication is the key to a good marriage. Often times, my hubby and I get in a routine and stop talking. Months can go by and we won't share our feelings about our relationship and then we just shut down. I think it's important to have heart to heart talks a couple times a month. I'm visiting from the Hodgepodge. Glad I came across your post.

    • Rosann

      Thank you, Dayna! Yes, my husband and I have a Christ centered marriage. That has also been a huge factor in our ability to endure the difficult storms of life. I totally hear you on the heart to heart talks. It is truly SO important. I really appreciate your visit and comment!


  5. Elizabeth

    #1 is my favorite - although, I love the entire list -- but I REALLY think #1 is SO important. I always try to thank Joe as often as I remember. You might BE thankful for something your spouse does, but if you never SAY it, they may never know. Great post!

    • Rosann

      Thanks so much Elizabeth. Isn't it funny how we often go through marriage and life thinking our spouse or anyone we love knows how much we respect and appreciate all they do, even when we forget to tell them. Everyone wants to hear those words. Thank you. I appreciate you. So powerful, especially in a marriage.

      Blessings friend!

  6. Kathy

    Great suggestions Rosann. It always amazes me how a simple shift in my attitude can literally transform a could-be argument into a time of laughter with my husband. Thinking of all he does right instead of focusing on the things that bug me go a long way too. Thanking each other makes a huge difference too. I need to be appreciated and so does he! Thanks again for some great reminders! xo

    • Rosann

      Thanks Kathy! Attitude is huge -- especially when we are facing stress or other irritating behaviors from our spouse. The reality is we all fall short and are imperfect. But we fell in love with our spouse for a reason. Choosing the right attitude helps us remember those reasons.

      Hugs to you dear friend,

  7. Erin Patrick

    These are such great tips for keeping a marriage blessed. I'm so guilty of #5, overbooking down time. I'm going to resolve to do better at that!
    Love you!

    • Rosann

      Thanks Erin! I've always been guilty of over scheduling our life. Lol! I do it to my own schedule making myself crazy stressed out, but it's not enough until I include the whole family and drag them all over the place with me. Haha! What can I say? I love spending time with my family! :)

      Love you too!

  8. Sarah @ Loved Like the Church

    I think being their biggest cheerleaders is a huge deal. My husband is always coming up with a new idea, or thinking up a new business, etc. After awhile they all just run together for me, but they are big deals to him. And when I'm not cheering him on, it really effects him negatively. So, being a cheerleader.

    And the same is true for me - I need to know he's cheering me on when I'm doing my own thing {like coming to all my races}.

    • Rosann

      SO true, Sarah! I think maybe your husband and my husband would enjoy each others company. My man is the same way sometimes. I have found that he truly appreciates knowing he can tell me wild idea that pops in his head and I won't pass judgement, ridicule him, or discourage him in any way. I always cheer him on. Yes and it's a beautiful thing to know the cheering is reciprocated...even if it's no fun for them to wait two hours at the half marathon finish line with our rambunctious little girls. :)

  9. Pamela / Pamela's Heavenly Treats

    Wonderful list Rosann, I really needed this today, #5 and #7 really stick out for me. thanks for sharing.

  10. Tamika

    I tagged you! See my blog!

  11. Becky Jane

    Rosann, I appreciate this post. Your 7 things are right on the money. I especially like giving my husband 'shout-outs'. He is awesome and I don't mind letting our kids and friends know it. Thanks for sharing your insights.

  12. Joy

    I needed that today. Always good to have a reminder that a lot of what happens in tense moments has to do with my own actions.

    I remember a lady telling me once that even sarcastic joking (the kind my hubby would laugh at from anyone) from me can be hurtful or tear him down in the eyes of others. That has always stuck with me!

    Warmest regards,

  13. Alicia H

    oh #5 is so important for us. I forget sometimes that we just need to be together sometimes not always doing stuff

  14. Regina

    I always need a reminder to appreciate my hubby. We have been married for 10 years this week. Don't know what I'd do without him, most days. :)

  15. Debi@ The Spring Mount 6 Pack

    Great tips. I have been with my husband for 19 years, and he is the love of my life.

  16. The Stiletto Files

    As I was reading this list I thought, "Gee, this sounds like a good project to embark on" to make sure my spouse feels important to me. (he is) I think in today's modern world women forget to submit to their husbands without feeling they are having to obey or be mice. Yes, I think we totally miss the point on that one.

  17. Lisa Weinstein

    One of the biggest things I try to do with my husband is show respect. There are times when we drive each other crazy. There are days where we are stressed, feel lousy, etc... but we always try to respect each other. I think the only time we ever fight is if we are lost in the car!
    Lisa Weinstein

  18. Crystal Green

    I totally agree with this post. I have posted similar blogs as well. :)
    Crystal Green recently posted..Chris Mann Roads -CD ReviewMy Profile

  19. Alvino

    Thank you for helping me out with these simple instructions. Tying the knot in April. :)))

    • Rosann

      Wow, congratulations on your upcoming wedding, Alvino! :)

  20. [...] Rosann gave more ideas in her article 7 Simple Ways To Appreciate Your Spouse. [...]

  21. Irene

    Dear Rosann, what a great post and a much needed reminder. Thanks for sharing. #1 & 2 resounds with me. Appreciating our spouse is so often neglected but adds much value to the relationship. Enriching each other's lives this way should be a high priority for every couple. I will surely share your post. God bless you richly.
    Irene recently posted..More To Be Desired Than...My Profile

  22. […] reasons should certainly show why it is important for us to remember how to tell our spouses that we do […]

  23. Linda

    I have decided to ignore my husband because in the past I have tried using these ways to show appreciation only for my effort to be thrown at my face or ignored. The marriage just exist because of our children. I just pray everyday. He has forgotten how to be nice to me and when I try talking to him about it he concludes that I am making a fuss about nothing.

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