Now now, don't throw rotten tomatoes at me for saying that! Hear me out...
We all think our children are pretty awesome, right? Come on, you know you are one proud parent!
Have you ever had the thought cross your mind that your children are better than so and so's because you've done such a good job raising them this far?
Let's be honest.
I'm over here raising my hand.
I've totally had those thoughts cross my mind. I've also been one to hold high expectations of my first born because she is so mentally mature for her age. I often have to remind myself she's only 7, not 14.
While I'm not really proud to admit this, I'm that mom who lays down the law of what behavior I expect from my kids before we walk into a church fellowship function or a friends house for a playdate.
I don't want my kids to be the ones every fellow mom goes home and talks about with her husband.
"Those Cunningham girls were so out of control."
Nope. They need to behave themselves...so I won't be embarrassed or look bad in the eyes of the other moms.
Can you relate?
Or is it just me?
I also enjoy bragging about my daughters when the opportunity presents itself... like now!
--> My four year old recently demonstrated to me her ability to read an entire sentence in a local Giant Eagle restroom. How awesome is that?! Who ever said "screen time" was a bad thing? We have the iPad educational apps to thank for that new ability.
--> My seven year old is so advanced in her school work that I've convinced myself she should be in a gifted program...because I don't want her to get bored and stop working hard in school.
Ahem.
Wouldn't labeling her as gifted give her a false sense that she doesn't have to work hard for anything, that all things in life will naturally come easy to her...so why should she bother trying at all?
I'm thankful to have gotten my hands on a book I'm about to tell you about.
The folks at DavidCCook.com (they publish all of the Francis and Lisa Chan books/products) contacted me with an opportunity to receive a free copy of the recently published book Trophy Child by Ted Cunningham (no relation to me) in exchange for my honest review.
About the Book:
From the back cover (because I really believe this is the best description)...
Do you cringe when your kids fight in public because it makes you look bad? Do you find yourself helping too much with homework because you want the teacher to be impressed? Do you secretly take credit for your child's soccer win? You might be in danger of vanity parenting.
Vanity parenting happens when our culture's obsession with performance leads us to form expectations for our kids based on the world's standards. As a result, our children try to meet our emotional needs instead of growing into the calling God has for them.
Trophy Child will help you create a home where your children find success in following their heavenly Father - and you know the joy of seeing your children embrace their full potential as children of God.
What I Loved:
I loved that this book is 9 chapters and a very easy read. Here are the names of the chapters to give you an idea of the topics of discussion:
- Chapter 1 - Trophies
- Chapter 2 - Trophy Parents
- Chapter 3 - Know Limits
- Chapter 4 - Everything Jesus Said About Children and Parents
- Chapter 5 - Spiritual Journeys
- Chapter 6 - Kids Who Follow Jesus
- Chapter 7 - Preparing Our Children For the World
- Chapter 8 - Adulthood Milestones
- Chapter 9 - Great Parents, Lousy Lovers
I loved that Author, Ted Cunningham doesn't claim to be perfect. He admits to putting his own children up on a pedestal for their accomplishments and potential. Early on in the book Ted shares "in the past, I was a trophy collector, both in sports and parenting. That nonsense stops here and now."
I loved how he describes modern day parenting as being very kid-centered..."parents believe they are doing their children a service by elevating them and over encouraging them." Isn't that so true? I've been guilty of this myself! My parents never coddled me from experiencing failure, or protected me from the realization I wasn't perfect and would have to work hard at some things, more than others.
I loved that he describes several different parenting "types" and then proceeds to ask hard questions, some of which were uncomfortable for me to answer even though I was only answering them to myself.
Questions like...
Is the bar set too high in your home?
What is driving your need to compare your children to others?
Have you rescued your child too quickly before all lessons could be learned?
Convicting, eh?
I loved that the Ted weaves scripture throughout the book.
I loved his thoughts in the chapter titled Spiritual Journey. Ted says, "There are two ways parents teach a love for God: modeling and instructing. When we regularly immerse our children in conversation about who God is, His character, His creation, we build an awareness of Him into who they are as people. When we model a love for Him we inspire a thirst in them."
I loved that he shares 26 fun family devotionals for the readers to work on as a family during meal time or family time.
I loved the last chapter devoted to the importance of having a strong marriage. Ted shares, "Your children have a front-row seat to your marriage. The two greatest gifts we can give our children are a mom and a dad who enjoy life together, and the hope of a great marriage of their own."
He goes on to share a list of couple activities to help place marriage back in a high priority position.
What I Disliked:
This is going to sound silly, but the only thing I didn't like about the book was the cover. It didn't grab my attention or wow me at all.
If I were to walk down the aisle of a bookstore looking at parenting books, this would never grab my eye tempting me to pick the book up off the shelf and scan through the pages to see if it was something I'd like to read. But this book isn't just for women to read. It's good for both moms and dads. So I can understand why they went with the chosen images and design.
Aside from that, I have nothing bad to say about this book.
Recommendation:
If you're a parent with children from very young to mid-teens, I think you'll find this book interesting and valuable to read. It was incredibly convicting to me on many levels as a very proud mom to two young and extremely smart daughters. This book will help you prepare your children for something greater than themselves.
...
Are you guilty of being a trophy parent? Are you over-protective? Do you model a love for God? I'd love for you to share your thoughts and experiences.
Blessings to you,
Rosann Cunningham
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Guilty as charged! It sounds like a wonderful book. Recently, I quit the rat race with my kids. Even though we homeschool, I felt tremendous pressure to help them achieve incredible things. There are so many amazing homeschool stories out there, it makes you feel you must measure up to sky-high standards. It was stressing our homeschool out. Now I am just content if my kids get the basics and have a Biblical perspective and a strong faith. We're all a lot happier.
On a related note, it's amusing to watch the more vocal, know-it-all parents quiet down as their kids hit the teens years, lol! You can't hide teen angst very easily, and parenting teens is probably the most humbling job on earth. In a way, it's a relief. You have no choice but to drop the facade.
Having said all that, I'm very thankful that my kids love God, me, and each other. They're not perfect, and I really don't care what anyone thinks about that. I'm just grateful that God has been with us through many trials and heartaches, and my kids are emerging with their own testimony of his faithfulness.
Bless you, Rosann! Your blog is so uplifting!
Love,
Lisa
Haha! Lisa, thank you for clicking over to read and confess. Lol! It is a really good book and I highly recommend it. Oh, I can't even imagine life with two teenage daughters. I know it will happen but I'm grateful we have a good six years before my oldest reaches thirteen. Of course, it will no doubt fly by in the blink of an eye! But what's kind of frightening is to know at some point we'll have a 17 year old and a 14 year old under our roof at the same time. Eeeek! Haha! My poor poor husband! I don't know how he's going to survive that much estrogen!
I'm so happy to hear things are going well with you and your kids. Isn't it funny how God shows us what's truly important -- His own way of telling us, "I AM the only One that matters. Don't conform to what the world expects from you. Follow Me."
It's so nice to chat with you here, friend. Thanks for stopping by and leaving your lovely comment.
I totally relate (unfortunately).
Sounds like a great book! I'm actually reading "Desperate" right now, which you recommended before. I'm almost done and have really enjoyed it! It's funny that you mention the cover of this book...that was the first thing I thought of when I looked at it. It isn't appealing at all visually!
I'll add this to my reading list too. Thanks for the review!
Natasha @ Christian Mom Thoughts recently posted..5 Steps to Helping Your Kids Prevent Their Own Sinful Behavior
Natasha, I think you'd really like Trophy Child. Hope you're enjoying Desperate too. I found that one to be so encouraging and it really changed my thinking when it comes to my role as a mom. I'm not sure just yet how that will transfer over to my writing here at ChristianSuperMom. I'm sort of waiting on the Lord to inspire me for His purpose. Of course, I haven't written a "parenting" post for a while, I think perhaps if anything changes it might be my mission for this site rather than the content. Much to think about...
Ouch! Yes - trophy collector here. I'll admit that I often, even at home, have such a high bar set. I then go and get all unglued and flip out over little things rather than spending my energy on the eternal.
Audra recently posted..Coconut Oil Sale!
Oh Audra, you aren't alone my friend. I'm often reminding myself the bar needs to be set at a realistic level. But my kiddos are just so smart! It's the maturity level that I have to keep in mind though...
Yep! You...and Ted Cunningham... hit the nail on the head with this one. I used to think I knew soooo much about how to raise my daughter to be a "good girl" (to behave properly). If I just did this and that and the other, I'd get the results I wanted, kind of like putting in your money and pushing the desired buttons on a vending machine. Well, my seven-year-old is indeed a good girl. BUT she doesn't cooperate with that vending machine approach to parenting. And you know what? God never meant her to do so. I've been learning a lot about being a much more humble mom.
Julie recently posted..Slumber Party Success
Julie, I love your vending machine illustration! God definitely never meant for any of us to be of vending machine character.