Update January 3, 2012:
For those of you who are interested, I've recently published a book on coping with the emotional side of unemployment. The book is called UnEMPLOYED Faith. Click on the image to the left to purchase this book for only $4.99 or for more details visit the website UnEMPLOYED Faith.
I hope you will find this book to be very encouraging. Also be sure to visit the Facebook Fan Page for UnEMPLOYED Faith and give it a Like. Consider it your online community for sharing the heart of your unemployment journey with others in the same situation. Thanks for stopping by and may God bless you!
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Has your husband fallen victim to our nation's staggering unemployment problem? Right now, the U.S. unemployment rate is reported to be 8.8%. Adult men are unemployed at a rate of 8.6%, slightly higher than adult women.
But really, when you factor in those who've given up looking for work because they feel there are simply no opportunities available, and those who are under employed…working part-time, yet seeking full-time work, the true combined unemployment rate is running closer to 18%!
That's outrageous! I really think our country has a long road of recovery ahead of us before we'll begin to see our economy thrive again.
As is the case for many people, this problem with our economy has had a very personal impact on my husband and our family.
For many years, Mark and I both worked in the sub-prime auto finance industry. When the recession started to really show its ugliness about three years ago, I was laid off from my job as a credit analyst.
About a month after my layoff, we found out I was pregnant with our second child, Abby. Childcare costs in Southern CA are outrageous and we ultimately preferred for me to be a stay-at-home mom as part of our long term goals for our family. The timing was right and everything fell into place perfectly for that to happen.
Then when Abby was 4 months old, the large bank Mark was working for decided they no longer wanted a presence in North America. They shut down and laid off everyone. That was just over 2 years ago.
Mark is a highly educated, extremely qualified, complete white collar, corporate professional. He's exceptionally intelligent, a quick learner, self-starter, hard-working, and a highly driven and focused man. Yet he can't find anyone interested in hiring him.
Why?
Maybe because he's a male over 40 years old. Or maybe he was over-compensated in California and therefore nobody believes him when he says he's really Ok with earning a lower income. Maybe he's boxed himself out of opportunities in his expertise by moving to the part of the nation where we now live.
Or quite possibly, God has divinely intervened to prepare Mark for something greater. Something he's been passionately dreaming of doing for as long as I've known him. Start his own business.
I like the sound of and personally believe our situation to be the latter option.
Regardless of the reasons for unemployment, the fact remains that men take being unemployed very hard. It's a huge hit to their self-esteem. Men are brought up to be bread winners, primary providers, the head of household.
The reality is, many men have their identity wrapped up in what they do for a living. So when they find themselves out of a job, it's almost as if the man they are or were, no longer IS. They don't recognize the face staring back at them in the mirror. They feel lost.
As with most things in life, this period or phase of trouble will indeed pass. In the meantime though, there are things we women can do to support our man during what could become a lengthy bout of unemployment.
Remain Positive and Strong in Faith.
Admittedly, this is not always easy to do. We are human and it's natural to stress out or respond in fear and worry, especially when we have children to provide for, a mortgage payment, and a ton of other bills tugging at our wallet. Remember this though…God has promised to provide everything you NEED. Trust in Him.
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:19 NIV
It's Ok to be honest with your spouse about your concerns. You should really even talk through them together. But try to avoid harping on them over and over again. This will only be a source of discouragement and distract your spouse from moving forward to bigger and better things.
Don't Leave the Burden of Planning on his Shoulders Alone.
If you're reading this, you likely have a Christ-centered marriage. {If you don't, I urge you to invite the good Lord into your marriage immediately!} Marriage is a partnership. One person should never have to carry the entire burden of your family's life decisions and planning alone.
Avoid putting your man in that position. Engage in conversation with him about your long term family values, goals, ideals, and dreams. Make sure you're both on the same page and work together to create a plan for the future.
Think Long Term.
It's easy to become discouraged with your circumstances when you are only living to survive one more day or one more week. Believe me, I know money's tight and things seem very scary. But you'll do yourself a world of good to think about your situation from a long term perspective.
Ask yourselves some long term questions. Is the "suffering" you're going through today really that big of a deal when you realize that it's getting you one step closer to a long term goal that you and your husband are jointly working to achieve?
For example, I could choose to go back to work, which would bring us huge financial relief, but that prospect goes against what our long term family goals and ideals are. So for now, we have to live a very lean lifestyle. Is it sometimes frustrating? Of course! But taking the leap of faith onto a path God has set for us seems much more appealing to me in the long run.
Pray. Pray Some More. Then Pray Again.
First and foremost, pray. Pray together. Pray alone. Pray for your spouse. There is power in prayer, and right now he needs God to give him peace, courage, wisdom, direction, and clarity. If he's not strong in his faith, this is a great time to pray for God to open his eyes and heart so he can accept spiritual growth through this life trial. Pray powerfully for God to pour those blessings onto your spouse.
Use Words of Appreciation and Love.
Avoid using words that are demeaning. Instead, shower your husband with words of appreciation and love. Say things like this: I love you. I appreciate your concern for our family. I know this is a heavy burden for you to bear. You are still the man of my dreams. I love how talented you are with….{fill in the blank}. You are an amazing dad to our children. I have the best husband EVER. I love that you're such a hard worker.
The key here is to say these things with sincerity. If you don't, he'll pick up on it and fall deeper into his unemployment funk.
Help Him to Feel Needed.
Don't insist on doing everything yourself. Save some things for him to help with around the house. Especially if it's guy stuff. Let him take the trash out for you. Ask him to help you hang up those pictures you've been meaning to hang.
Enlist his help with some of the gardening or yard work that you would normally do. Ask him to bring the groceries in from the car or to help you make dinner. Let him carry the heavy laundry basket of dirty clothes downstairs to the washing machine.
If he's passionate about technology, ask him to fix something on your computer that's been driving you crazy. Then be sure to thank him profusely for all of his help.
Help Curb Spending.
Re-evaluate your grocery spending. If you don't already, start planning out meals and make sure your cupboards and pantry are fully stocked. Here's a fantastic website for frugal meals and great lists for stocking your pantry, freezer, and fridge. The Prudent Homemaker.
Additionally, look for ways to reduce expenses in your day to day living. Do you really need top of the line cosmetics? Are you using the gym membership you pay for each month? Is now a good time to stop those regular salon maintained manicures and pedicures? What about that $4 cup of coffee you get every day at the local coffee shop? I bet you could make some at home that would taste equally delicious and cost far less.
Give Physical Affection.
Let's face it. Men need to be touched. They thrive on physical love and affection from their wives. Don't hold back because they're unemployed. Now more than ever, show them as often as possible just how much you love them, want them, and need them. This goes a long way in keeping their self-worth intact as well as helping them to avoid depression. And ladies, it's GOOD for you too!
Submit to Him
Ephesians 5:22-23 says… Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
This means the wife should willingly follow her husbands leadership.
My husband mentioned the idea of moving from California to Pennsylvania long before we made the final decision to move. Really, he was planting a seed in my head and allowing me time to think it over, pray about it, get comfortable with it, and ultimately approach him with the confirmation that I thought we needed to move.
The idea was his. I submitted to it, even though I wasn't a hundred percent sure we were making the right decision. The fact is, I knew he would never have brought it up in the first place if he hadn't been seriously thinking it over for some time. This move has been an amazing blessing for our family. I have no regrets. And God has shown us time and time again, just how perfect that decision was.
Be open minded.
Again, this goes with submitting to your spouse. Be open minded to his ideas, no matter how crazy they may seem. Spend some time really thinking about them and talking them through. You may just find the most awesome blessing hidden in all that craziness that you otherwise would have missed out on. Don't be afraid to live a little. Grow a little. Change a little.
Remember, this life on earth is not our final destination. It's our training ground for greater things to come. When life hands you a difficult situation or hardship, view it for what it is. A divine intervention from God.
He has a plan for all of us, and when we don't follow the path He puts us on, or we wander off that path even slightly, He divinely intervenes to reset our course. After all, every person on this earth is a unique part of God's glorious and great purpose.
Have you been facing unemployment in your home?
~Until next time, may God bless you with His hand molding your life for greatness!
Rosann Cunningham
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You have an amazing way with words, my friend. You are a light and an encouragement. Thanks for allowing God to use you through this time of refining.
great words--we've just gone through this, GOD has blessed and Hubby found a job, pay is less but learning to become more and more frugal---YES there are many this we can do without or store brand not name....Going to check out . . .The Prudent Homemaker
Pamela, I'm so happy that God has provided a new job opportunity for your husband. God is so good. Thank you so much for stopping by!
Many blessings to you and your family,
Rosann
OMG! And I do not say that lightly or in vain. My God is awsome and I am so glad that he led you to write this! I'm not alone and I have some things to think about to help my darling hubby!! Who like yours is smart etc, and can get an interview (he used to), and he has kinda quit looking and is wondering where God is in all this mess. We just don't see a plan happening ever again. By the way, it's been 7 years since his lay off. Thank you, thank you, thank you. =)
Jennifer, can I just say holy cow....7 years! There is a divine intervention from God in that mess somewhere. You're right, God is so awesome and He has a great plan and purpose for your hubby, even if it's to test or strengthen his faith. And yours as well.
From a purely selfish standpoint, I know how difficult it's been for me the past two years so I can't even imagine how you've endured for so long. But, this is what it means to have a Christ centered marriage. It's not about us alone. It's about our love for our partner, who is a gift from God. There is a season for everything, and some of those seasons tend to be longer than others. The great news is that through it all, God is refining our character and when we remain steadfast in our faith, He ultimately transforms our mess of garbage into something very beautiful.
Blessings,
Rosann
Rosann,
This was a great post! Men are very sensitive aren't they. Much more than women are actually, but in a different way. I'm so glad you found your way, and I do think things are meant to be, and timing is everything. I hope your husband knows how lucky he is!;)
Courtney, you are such a sweet friend. Thank you for your beautiful comment. My husband has told me countless times that he's the luckiest man on the planet. He's sweet that way.
This journey of ours hasn't been easy for either of us, but we both know in our hearts that God has His mighty hands all over it and we can count on Him to carry us through it to victory.
Blessings,
Rosann
I am celebrating my 21st anniversary today with a husband whom I adore. We have been through job losses on both sides during our years together and it was definitely much easier for me to "bounce back" emotionally than for him. During his 2 months of unemployment, it was our faith in God's promise to provide that carried us through. We knew that he would...and of course he did.
I'm blessed not to have faced unemployment, but this is great advice here!
Thanks for your comment, Don!
Blessings,
Rosann
[...] are going through difficult times lately. Maybe you are consumed by the loss of your job or the health scare you're facing. Perhaps you are in the midst of an eviction from the place you [...]
Thank you for writing this. I found it online yesterday as I looked for some sort of encouragement to get me through. I'm 8 mos. pregnant with our first. My husband has been unemployed for three years. He's very talented at what he does and he's trying, but sometimes it seems like he gives up for a few days and then tries again. The good news is that our faith in God has grown leaps and bounds through this trial. God has come through for us in the most creative and amazing ways. We've never gone without. So, thank you for encouraging people through our Lord. He is great and will never leave us nor forsake us. This too shall pass.
Mina, you are a blessing to me today! Thank you for leaving such a nice comment. I'm actually working on completing the final details of a book that will be self-published by the end of the year. I haven't fully decided on the title yet, but at the moment here's the name of it:
Dealing With Your Husband's Unemployment
A Christian Wife's Thoughts On How To Cope
Anyway, yesterday I was feeling very discouraged about this process thinking there wasn't anyone out there who would have a desire to read something like that, because most women in the same situation have either had to go back to work and/or are hugely resentful of the situation or even toward their husband.
The book tells my story, while giving coping tips (that have worked for me) on how to deal with the emotional impact that wives are faced with during this ugly recession.
Anyway, your note was confirmation to me to keep moving forward on the project God has tasked me to. Thank you!!
I'm covering you and your husband in prayer this morning. Congratulations on your pregnancy. How wonderfully exciting for you both! Isn't it awesome how God shows His love even during the toughest of times. What a beautiful blessing He is pouring over your life right now.
Hugs,
Rosann
That's wonderful to hear! Thank you for your prayers and I wish you the best with your new book! I really do believe that kind of book is much needed in today's climate. I pray it will be a huge success for you. God bless.
Thank you so much, Rosann! I read this in tears as my husband and I, too, struggle with this unemployment suffering. It has been two years and two months since my husband last worked with the carpenter's union, and we are now down to our last few savings dollars as we head into the Christmas season. Today, I am struggling with full out despair, because we will not be able to pay our mortgage next month. But I know that He is faithful and I need to joyfully trust Him in ALL things! Thank you for your article! A great encouragement!
From your post, I understand that you are NOT working, even in the light of your husband's unemployment. Was there ever a time when you felt pressured to go back to work? My husband has just started to make some snide remarks about me not working. Before our son was born we agreed that I would work from home to care for him (he is now 1 year old,) but now he is changing his story. I am a VERY hard worker at home. Do I submit to my husband's authority and take a job at his request, or respectfully hold my ground? I am so torn with this! (FYI, my husband is a fantastic, one-of-the-best fathers to our son, but is a terrible mother/homemaker. Not that it makes him a bad person, it is just not what he is made to do on a daily basis!) Any advice?
Alicia, first allow me to say a pray for you, dear friend.
Gracious God, You know the plans You have for us. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, You have plans to prosper us...not to harm us. Alicia and her husband desperately need comfort, wisdom, and peace of mind in the situation they are enduring. Father, please continue to provide for them in mighty ways, ways that reveal to them and those witnessing what they're going through, that their protection, security, and prosperity no doubt come only from You. Today, Lord, ease their minds and confirm the seed of your will in their hearts. Give them wisdom on what steps to take next for their family's long term best interest. Remind them that they are each Your gift to the other and to continue loving each other with the love of Christ. May You bless them abundantly for their steadfast faith in You, and for trusting You through this journey. In Jesus' glorious name, I pray. Amen.
Alicia, you are correct. I am presently not working. I have, however, told my husband on multiple occasions that I would be willing to go back to work if that's what he feels needs to happen to provide for our family, even if it's just a temporary thing. His response has continued to be "No, that would only make me feel worse." So I have found other ways to attempt to make money while still being a stay at home mom. It's not much, but I feel like I'm at least doing something to help, aside from being the glue that keeps our home and family running smoothly. Through my love of writing, God led me to start this blog which has been healing and therapeutic for me as we've endured our unemployment storm. With the blog, I earn some affiliate income if someone clicks on a link within my SuperMom Shop and purchases an item. It's pennies really. Nothing to get too excited about.
Secondly, God has led me to write a book that I will be self-publishing soon. The book is for wives with unemployed husbands and how to cope with the heart of unemployment - the emotional side of it. How to get beyond resentment. How to stay strong in faith. How to find stress outlets so we don't completely lose our minds in frustration. It's my prayer that God will put that book into the hands of those who will benefit most from it. And admittedly, there is a side to me who feels like God will ultimately reward us financially from it. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it will be a total flop. Only He knows the plan He has for it. So I'm just acting in obedience to what He has called me to. I also list on my website that I'm available for hire as a freelance writer and have an account set up with elance.com for writing job opportunities.
As for how you should proceed...I'm not qualified to answer that question, but my best advice is for you to spend some serious time in prayer over it. Has you husband officially asked you to go back to work? If so, maybe it makes sense to at least get your resume out there and see where God leads you. God has a way of shutting doors He doesn't want opened, to keep you on the path He has set for you. Likewise, He has a way of opening doors to get you to walk through them according to His will. Shopping your resume does not mean you'll find a job. Look how difficult it is for your husband to find work. What makes us women think we'd find a job so easily? I fall into that same mind set when I think about the prospect of going back to work. But, if it's God's plan, He'll provide the right opportunity at the right time. Whether it's for you or for your husband. {fyi...my hubby would not make a good SAHM either. Lol! But he is really great at his daddy job}
I pray this note has offered you some encouragement or helpful advice. Please stay in touch and let me know how God is working in your situation. I just know He has awesome plans for you and your husband! And I'm so proud of you for continuing to trust Him and have faith.
~Hugs and Blessings,
Rosann
We are there. Right in the midst of the storm, but God is absolutely standing right beside us and His strength is our guide.
Love this!
Kate
Kate, I will add you and your family to my prayers. What you're going through is not easy. If you're looking for some emotional support of any kind, hop over to the Facebook Fan Page for UnEMPLOYED Faith (http://www.facebook.com/unemployedfaith) and share your story. Like the page and visit it often to see what others are talking about. Also, for some added encouragement UnEMPLOYED Faith: Clothing Yourself In Strength And Perseverance Through His Season Of Unemployment is now on sale at Amazon. And you don't need a Kindle to purchase it. Simply download the FREE Amazon Kindle app to your PC, phone, or iPad and you have an instant viewer for the book.
Many Blessings,
~Rosann
So sick of this "submit" crap. Women who do that are just dumb. I have been supporting my husband for 4 years now, since he cannot or will not maintain employment. He is constantly asking me to take out loans in my name to finance a car for him, tuition for him to go back to college, and vacations. I've already gone into debt to pay his dentist bills and two very high-dollar speeding tickets. He's already ruined his own credit and if I "submit" to him and let him have his way, he'll just end up ruining mine.
Dearest Terri, I know you're sick of the "submit" crap, and I don't want to change your mind if that is how you feel, but I did want to say one small thing. What you are describing doesn't sound like submission to me. It sounds like poor judgment. To submit means to simply yield, it does not mean to give in and just go along to get along. You mention "his" and "mine" but the goal is to get to "us" and "ours." To become as one. If you are a Christian woman, then the principle of submission is very important and is the basis for how our husbands are to love us (just as Christ loved the church). If you're not a Christian, then it may not be for you and that's totally fine. You have to do what works best for you and your marriage. What I can say is the book I refer women to the most is The Surrendered Wife (which, ironically, is written by a feminist but lays out the benefits of the Biblical principle of submission better than any other book I've read) and every single one, and I mean EVERY one of them have come back to me to say thanks because it revolutionized their marriage. I'm an extremely independent and strong woman. But I submit to my husband because I understand how God created family to work. And I have to tell you, at least from my experience and all of my girlfriends, it works God's way. It truly does.
Terri, thanks for stopping by and for taking the time to read through this post. Based on the tone of your comment, it seems your marriage may be filled with strife. Remember it takes two to make a marriage and two to break it. There are also two sides to every story. Is he wanting to go back to college so he can improve his skills and therefore his chances of getting a decent job that will be secure? Does he need a car to be able to get to and from work? Perhaps you'd be encouraged by reading my book, which discusses healthy ways to cope with the overwhelming and destructive emotions wives face when their husband is struggling with finding employment. There is a chapter that covers how to be the good wife. Men tend to respond positively when they're being properly loved, appreciated, and respected. I'm praying for you and your situation. I know how deeply raw your emotions run. Spending time with the Lord is often a wonderful way to soften our hearts and eliminate resentment.
Blessings to you,
~Rosann
Such great advice! My husband is not unemployed and I'm so grateful for that. But if he were, I'd be following this advice 100% because I know it's biblical and I know it's right. Thank you for this great post.
Thanks Fawn! I appreciate your supportive comment and your visit.
Have a blessed evening!
~Rosann
This is such good, well-balanced advice!
A long time ago (before I was a Christian), my first husband (now deceased) went through this, while I was yet working, teaching school (still childless). We had extra responsibilities for his widowed mother, and not the best finances in the first place, but I was cheerful and positive. I realized afterwards how that was not enough. You have included here other critical needs the discouraged man involved has, and how to help meet them. I will bookmark your book, as I may know increasing numbers of people in need of its counsel as time rolls on! Meanwhile, God bless you and your family as you walk through this with Him.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your story, Sylvia. I appreciate you!
Many blessings,
~Rosann
Rosann:
I wish a book like this had been avaiable to me several years ago. Back in the late '90s my husband went through an 18 month period of unemployment. I just went to the book site and read the about the book section. Many of the things you mentioned, I experienced. I felt as if we were "inferior" because my husband wasn't working...not to mention how he felt.
Blessing to you and I prayer that many will be helped through this book.
Joan, Thank you so much for your very kind comment and for taking the time to click over to the other website and read more about the book. My heart and soul was poured into this book with a push from God. I know there are still so many who have a need for a book of this nature with the economy still being in total shambles. I trust God will lead those who need it most to be able to find it. Several people have commented the same way..."I wish this book was available when I was going through it..." I would be so appreciative if you'd spread the word to those you might know who would benefit from it. Thanks so much!
Blessings to you,
~Rosann
Thank you for writing this!! Right now , I feel so confused ! My husband lost his job back in august and then he found another waaay across the states to the east coast ! We wanted to move , but I wasn't so sure about east coast. I prayed to god that if it's in his will to please let my husband get a job in the east coast . Well he got the job , we spent ALL of our savings to move across country for this job and now 4 months later .... He is blindsided by another lay off !!! 2 jobs gone in less than 6 months. We have very little savings , I am a stay at home mom and to top it all off .. Our only car is now having issues and will cost 1500 or more to fix , we do not have that money to do so . Now all
this doubt comes over me like we shoudnt have
moved, I blame myself for not maybe waiting a little more, we made a huge mistake in moving to be near family . Fear coming over me because I can't bear to leave my 2 yr old son all day if I have to go back to work . Our relatives stressing me out with their sympathy and panics lol !
My husband and I just can't get a break . He is
such a hardworker and a wonderful husband. I
just don't get it ! At least there is some comfort that I am not alone after reading this post. Thank u and god bless !
and father . I just don't get it !!!
Geena, I'm praying for you and your husband. You are definitely not alone on your journey. There are indeed other women going through the same emotions, the same heartache, and the same confusion. Please go out to my other website, http://www.unemployedfaith.com and subscribe by email on the Blog page. The blog posts are written for you and all the other women going through this tough time. They are meant to keep your eyes and heart focused on God's big and better plan for you and to help you keep persevering. Also, go to my Facebook Fan Page for UnEMPLOYED Faith and Like the page so you'll see my daily status posts in your Facebook feed. I try to make sure those are encouraging or at the very least get you thinking and pondering ways to ensure a great day. Also, I do have a book I wrote called UnEMPLOYED Faith which is only $4.99 via Amazon. It's a digital download, so if you don't have a Kindle, Amazon does have a FREE Kindle e-reader you can download to your PC or Smart Phone and read any digital/Kindle books right on your PC. You may find the book helpful. I offer 10 Coping Tips for dealing with the overwhelming emotions of unemployment and at the end of every chapter there's a challenge for the reader to act on.
Most importantly though, remember God's got something wonderful in store for you and your husband. You just happen to be in a season of waiting and growing. He places us in those seasons for reasons that are ultimately in our best interest. Embrace and rejoice in the fact that God's mighty hands are working to bring about major blessings for your family. But all in His perfect timing.
In Christ's Love,
~Rosann
I am with so many of you...We are coming up on the marker of 4 years that my husband has not been working. When this happened, I had to go back to work full-time to bring in as much money as I could, though I do not make enough for us to survive on. Since it began, we have wiped out our retirements to live on, then eventually filed for bankruptcy, lost our cars, began getting food from the food bank, and the nightmares like all of you have had, keep coming..something breaks, can't fix it, no medical insurance, no life insurance, can't pay the mortgage or the utilities, one daily challenge of survival after another. The worst part of all this, is the toll it puts on your marriage. Sadly, I think mine is over. This kinda thing just changes everyone involved, where you don't even know who you are anymore, or who your partner is anymore. No one is the same person. What is even sadder is when you know in your heart that if this hadn't happened, your marriage would still be okay. It just became too much for everyone involved. Your life is just going along great and...Bam! You get slammed with one of life's curve balls and you never recover. Everything is gone, and when it's been so long, you can't even remember that once upon a time, you were happy, but so much time has caused you to think that all you have had is pain and suffering.
[...] it on long term unemployment, lack of acceptance from school peers during my childhood, emotional fallout from having divorced [...]
Yes. Thank you for this article. Can't wait to dive in further. Living in the land of unemployment for 9 months- with our first born. Husband was laid off when baby was 3 months (after I had quit my job to be sahm) ...from his position as youth minister. We lost our income, our home and our church. toughest thing ever. Thank you for writing so honestly about something people dont talk about!
Alicia, thank you so much for your visit and sweet comment. I will be praying for you. In the meantime, if you haven't already. Check out my book, UnEMPLOYED Faith. You might be blessed and encouraged by it. For more information you can go to my other website Unemployedfaith.com - also there's an encouragement blog on that site you might enjoy reading.
Additionally, I have a private Facebook group for wives of the unemployed. It's such an encouraging atmosphere with prayers, sharing stories, laughter, and tears. If this is something you'd be interested in learning more about or becoming a part of, please send me an email (Rosann@Unemployedfaith.com) and I'll get the ball rolling for you.
I was a single mother of two and I met a nice guy. We moved in together after 2 years and are living as husband and wife (he doesn't believe in marriage). I was 'born again' in June 2012 and can see Almighty God working in my life and blessing me. I own my own business and God has been blessing it so that I do not have to work a 9-5. Also, my children are young and I cannot afford daycare so I glorify His name for every penny I earn.
When he and I started dating he was in graduate school and so was I, in a long distance relationship, states away. He had very little money and I would send him food, invest time to listen to him talk about his work (even though I had mine and young children), pay for flights for hi to come in and out of the city, pay for his phone bill and support him in every way I could. Sadly I thought that would pay off now that we're together. When he has money it is his last thought to provide for me or pay me back. I feel cheated.
He hasn't had a job since we've been together. I have ruined my credit to make sure we get by and any penny I could save I have to sped to
make up for his shortcomings. He says he's trying but it is very hard, because I know I'd do anything to make ends meet and it feels like he's waiting to see what I'll do.
He's great with my kids, he treats them like they're his. Also, there's the matter of faith. He says he believes in God, but he has been jilted by Christianity. I think that sometimes he isn't being blessed for his efforts because he doesn't believe.
I feel sick to my stomach writing this. He applies to jobs all day online, but won't go out and search for one. I literally have to remind him and drive him around to apply to places. He has really long hair and tattoos so this limits where he can work, also he uses marijuana, so many things may deter him from landing a job, even with a master's degree! Also, he can't drive so all the picking up and dropping off errands are on me.
We moved across the country to have a new start and it's still the same for him. I'm still living on a single mother's budget.
I guess this sounds bad. I'm just tired and need help.
Please pray for me.
Christy, I will indeed pray for you and your situation. I can't pretend to know the answer to your circumstances, but I will say that I'm so happy you are following the Lord. Pray for God to give you discernment and wisdom in how best to handle the difficulties in your relationship with your man. The reality is, the longer a man is out of work, the harder it is for him to find work. They lose confidence and skills over time. Particularly with technology and businesses changing as rapidly as they do. And with so many people out of work in this ugly recession, the competition is fierce. Has he considered some kind of counseling to regain focus and enter back into society, clean cut and confident?
Do you have a copy of my book, UnEMPLOYED Faith, yet? You might find it to be encouraging and helpful as you deal with the emotional impact of his unemployment. You can learn more about the book at my other website, UnemployedFaith.com. There is also an encouragement blog on that site you might find to be a blessing.
Additionally, I have an online and private Facebook group for wives of the unemployed. It's a place where you can pour your heart out, free from judgement, and fellow members are there to encourage you, pray for you, and support your heart through the storm. If this is something you'd be interested in learning more about or being a part of, please let me know. Just send me an email (Rosann@UnemployedFaith.com) and we can get the ball rolling.
I'm so glad I came across this article! I need a lot of Godly advice and support for my wonderful husband. He is a very intelligent, brilliant man. He is a talented writer with tremendous insights, a college graduate, and 32 years old. He has spastic quadriplegic Cerebral Palsy, which limits his abilities to work already. Then, adding to that, is our nation's problem with unemployment. So my husband has been out of college for 3 years now, and he's still unable to find a job. Our local Department of Rehab has been absolutely worthless -- the woman there does NOTHING but give him ridiculous suggestions like taking on a training position without pay up several hours away from home, away from me and our daughter. My husband clearly said no to that one. But he's still miserable not to have work. He wants our church to help, but people at our church just seem too wrapped up in themselves and their own lives to stop and help him, and it really upsets him. He needs male friendships, and he feels like he has none. I try to be a support to him, and he says I comfort him, but then most of the time, he's always venting about the same-old, same-old. Sometimes I admit, I'm frustrated having to rehash everything all over again. He receives ZERO benefits because we're "too rich" on my teacher's salary. I am anxious about starting work again after my maternity leave ends in November, because I'm the breadwinner, sole provider, and also caretaker to my husband and our daughter.
Please keep my family in prayers. My husband needs encouragement and help. He has so much potential, and it breaks my heart that nobody else wants to help him to find a job allowing him to provide. He often deals with major frustration, a lot of anxiety/bitterness, and the majority of our conversations are all about how miserable he feels.
Christina,
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I am definitely praying for you. So glad you took the time to leave a comment. I will send you an email in a while. I hope you don't mind. I have a Facebook support group (it's private) where I think you'll find lots of encouragement and prayers. In fact two of the women in the group are teachers and sole bread winners in the home so I know they will fully understand your heart and emotion. In the meantime, check out my other website unemployedfaith.com. I have an eBook and write an encouragement blog on that site for people going through unemployment in the home.
Blessings and prayers,
Rosann
Thanks for your article, which has a lot of good insights. My husband and I are both born again, and I've been a stay-at-home mother since we had our first child. We're now expecting our third.
My husband has been in and out of work all his career. He's now in his early forties. It's painful for me to say it, but his work problems are pretty much self-inflicted. He's a brilliant software developer, and there is lots of work available, but he's lost almost every job he's had due to issues like being late too often, and even not turning up for work because he was up surfing the net all night.
Right now, he's unemployed again, and is following the typical pattern: surfing and playing games on the computer, and not applying for work. There are dozens of positions available for someone with his skills and experience, but the last time he applied for any of them was back in November. Since he's now in his forties, with a resume full of gaps and no job held for more than two years, I'm concerned that recruiters see red lights flashing when they see his employment history.
He's a wonderful husband and father in so many ways, despite this huge shortcoming.
What I want to know is this: does your book address a situation like mine? Where the husband is unemployed not because of a bad economy or lack of opportunities, but because he has messed up a lot?
Janet, thanks for sharing and for your question. My book offers ways to cope through powerful and overwhelming emotions of anger, resentment, fear, loneliness, and feelings of hopelessness. The cause of unemployment isn't as much of an issue as the emotion that you feel from the circumstances. If you'd like more information, you can visit http://www.unemployedfaith.com.
We are a young couple, late 20s and still starting out on our paths. My husband is severely underemployed and has not been able to find a full-time job for the past three years. In the past two months, we have come close to two jobs, both of which fell through: one because we lived in a different state, and the other because we went to the "wrong" church denomination (imagine how much that hurt- from a Christian organization, no less). He has also tried applying to go back to school but several weeks ago, we found out that he didn't get in. (Needless to say, our February was pretty bad). Most of the time I am optimistic and supportive, trying to be there for him and trusting God completely. But then I find myself suddenly spiraling into sadness and despair, wondering how our goals and dreams (kids, a home) will ever happen if we are so stuck and it doesn't feel like we are moving forward. In those moments, I feel I am not the wife I want to be or should be- I know in those times I am not trusting God. After three years, it is so easy to believe there is no plan. I liked the advice you gave in this post, but most of all it was nice just to know other women have gone through this too; the Christian perspective made it so much better. Do you know of any online groups for women like us, where we can share our stories and not feel alone? Also, do you have any advice for how to keep the "sad thoughts" away? Thanks again for the post! *P.S. I'm going to try finding your book through the library!*
Jill, thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry to hear about the rough start you and your husband are having. You are definitely not alone. I do, in fact, have a private Facebook support group. Here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/groups/322614567788408/members/
You'll need to request to join the group and when I see your name I'll approve it. You should see an option to join on the upper right hand side of the page. If you have any trouble finding where to join, please email me Rosann@UnEmployedFaith.com and I'll manually add you. Also, I have another website for the book with an encouragement blog specifically on the subject of unemployment or financial hardship in the home. I also have a Facebook page for UnEmployed Faith. The website is http://www.unemployedfaith.com. I encourage you to check it out.
I'm going to send you a free copy of the book. Watch your email. It'll be a PDF you can download.
As for the sad thoughts, know that you are very normal in having them. The thing that worked best for me when my husband was out of work for so long was this: Every time a negative or bad thought popped into my head, I would stop right then and there, no matter what I was doing, and say a 30 second prayer for God to remove the bad thoughts and replace them with good thoughts...like how blessed we were despite our circumstances, or the reasons I totally fell in love with my husband in the first place, or how great it would feel to celebrate our victory when God's plan finally did come to fruition. Over time, I found the negative thoughts happening less frequently.
I will be covering you and your husband in prayer, my friend. I appreciate your visit here and that you took time to share your heart.
well, I've been unemployed 3.5 years! I've begged and pleaded with the Lord over all this time and I am convinced I am just His whipping boy. I want to encourage others, but what do I say to fellow Christians or non Christians that my God has allowed me to linger on for more than 3 years? My marriage is terrible as my wife criticizes me, and blames me for most of our household trouble and says "a real man would lead the family correctly" We are on welfare now because we have a special needs child. At 50, I have given up hope. The Lord has ruined me, all this talk about "his care for me" has resulted in a shaken faith as I attend church in a lackluster way. My wisdom is a joke, my leadership, pointless. My teenagers listen to me with disdain on their faces, knowing that something is wrong with a dad who cannot get a job. Gym time is my only satisfaction, my wife looks at me with so much disrespect that it shows in bed. I no longer pray, instead I give "reports" to the Lord and cower at my entrance into heaven someday in which I will give back the Lords talent, not buried but just never multiplied as I was a poor steward who tried and tried to work, but was refused by all.
I am very sorry to hear about your situation. My husband also has been out of work for over 3 years. I can only imagine how he feels and how your wife feels. I am not sure why we suffer as we do. Jesus did warn us “that in this world we would have tribulation but do not be dismayed “I have overcome the world”. One thing I want to say to encourage you is that we need to remember that the Lords kingdom is not of this world. Look at Job, Joseph, Paul or even Jesus and how much they suffered. Our faith in God cannot be based on what he does for us, but who he is. As Paul says, the suffering of this present age is not to be compared to the glory, which is to come.
I cannot say for sure why this struggle is going on in your life but I can say this. Please hear me, God allows hardships in our lives for many reasons and only he knows for sure why you are here. That said I want to encourage you to examine your faith, and determine to facilitate its growth. I know it is difficult but if you turn your back on God, then who do you really have to help you? Perhaps Jesus is having compassion on you and allowing this to be revealed, he says he chastises those he loves. All thing work out for out goodness and his Glory, and he would be glorified if your faith grew in this struggle. Sometime he has to shake our foundations to rebuild. I will pray with you for your faith to grow and your relationship with God, to grow in this time of doubt.
I am reminded of a story my mom told me one day about how Jesus fed the 5000, there were so many of them and as long as he blessed them, fed them healed them they all followed him but when he needed them they all turned their backs on him and he was crucified. People love Jesus for what he does for them but when times are hard and he doesn't do what they want they stop following him. I encourage you do not be one of these whose faith is shallow. Remember God is eternal, he knows what you need immerse yourself in his word, make a habit of not asking him for anything but rather giving thanks that you can trust him, that he is in control, he is faithful, find more scriptures that you can use to honor him with your words then your heart and mind will follow. You will be amazed at how God will, open doors for you when you approach OUR MOST HOLY Heavenly father as he deserves with honor and praise. He will transform your heart, your mind, your life.
May God anoint you to follow after Him as profit priest and king in your home.
Rhenea, thank you so much for your perfect response to Jeff. I appreciate the time you took to lift him up and encourage him. Your words will no doubt bless so many others who stumble across this page.
Rosann Cunningham recently posted..Deny Yourself
Jeff, I want to start by offering my apologies for not responding to your comment back when you left it. I recall not knowing what words of encouragement to offer you because I was on the verge of going through my own phase of burnout (I ended up taking a bit of an online break), but I did chat with my husband about your comment. He was very much able to relate with and understand what you were talking about. His words to me at the time was to share with you the importance of not giving up. Not turning your back on God. Not losing hope, but instead looking up to God for wisdom and direction and then responding to Him obediently. We left off our discussion that he was going to respond to your comment himself, but I guess he never did and for that I'm so sorry. I know even though our unemployment season is behind us, he struggles to talk about it. It was THE hardest trial he's ever had to endure and he's been through some doozies. He was out of work for 3 years. His self-esteem was in the toilet. He felt like I (and his family) had no respect for him because he couldn't even have respect for himself. He knew God had given him a chance to become self employed which had been his dream for so many years, but fear kept him from following God's lead. God had provided the open door, the opportunity to chase his dream and he was paralyzed by fear. So God finally put him back to work working for someone else again. And now my husband is wishing he'd not been afraid. He's wishing he would have trusted God to provide and to lead him to success with his business. He's appreciative and grateful to be working again and is just now starting to feel like his old self again, but that is his greatest regret...not trusting God...turning his back on what God had gifted to him. I don't know if that offers you any encouragement or speaks to your heart in any way. I just thought I'd share you aren't alone. There are a lot of people out there (men, in particular) going through exactly what you're facing. Unemployment is a problem. But God - He's bigger than that problem. He has a plan to bless and reward you if you're willing to listen to what He's asking you to do and go do it. In the meantime, please know I'm praying for you. All the best to you and yours.
Rosann Cunningham recently posted..Deny Yourself
This was powerfully true...
Thanks! I pray these words were a blessing to you!
Rosann Cunningham recently posted..Deny Yourself
Hello... Im going thru this situation now and we know that God is our provider.. Just feel that I
Not doing enough to make him feel good.
Denese, I'm so sorry to hear you and your husband are going through this right now. I'm praying for you. Know that this too shall pass. It might take a while for him to find employment and things might get really difficult, but there's growing and character refinement that happens in the storm. God always brings good from our suffering. We may not see it in the midst of the trial but when we look back on it later (assuming our eyes are open and willing to see) we will see the beauty in how God strengthened us and how we persevered and how God worked through and orchestrated every detail for His glory. Hang in there. You are stronger than you think and I'm sure you're doing exactly what you need to do to make your husband feel loved. If you need support from other women going through this exact scenario, I encourage you to join the private Unemployed Faith community group. It's all women. It's in Facebook. It's totally private so only members see the discussions. Here's the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/322614567788408/members/
Rosann Cunningham recently posted..Deny Yourself
Your life is very encouraging and I thank God for allowing you to write about this.. May God Continue to bless you and your family