He tells me all the time that I'm so good to him.
"I'm so blessed to have you for my wife," he whispers, hugging me.
Yet I struggle to believe it.
More often than not, I'm focused on the kids or the task at hand instead of him. I'm constantly busy with this or that.
I'm a mom, a wife, a friend, a writer, a blogger, a homemaker, a daughter, a sister, encourager, and a passionate follower of Christ.
There are days when juggling all of it seems so overwhelming. So I struggle to feel like I'm loving him well. The poor guy is often pushed to the back burner. How can he possibly say I'm so good to him or that he's blessed to have me for a wife?
Can you relate? Do you often feel the same way?
After some time self-analyzing and talking to God about my role as wife, here's the conclusion I've come to.
Being a good wife and loving my man well is more than just saying the words "I love you." The truth is I show him my love every day. I just don't always recognize it as love.
I'm guessing the same is true in your marriage and home.
Here are some ways I make my husband feel loved without really realizing that's what I'm doing.
Pray for him
I pray for my husband every day. I pray for his safety, for his health, for his work, for his spirit, for his relationships with family, friends, and co-workers, and for our marriage. That's an act of love.
Keep a clean, organized home
I make sure my husband has a comfortable and clean home life, a refuge where he can escape from a stressful day at the office, and get much needed rest and renewal. I used to work full time and I can attest to the fact that there's nothing worse than coming home from work to unmade beds, dishes in the sink, and clutter everywhere. It's extremely difficult to relax in those conditions.
Handle the Laundry
Notice I didn't say complete the laundry. We all know that job is never (EVER) complete. Making sure my husband always has something clean and fresh to wear as well as dropping off and picking up his dry cleaning (he has to wear suit and tie to the office) each week may seem like a mundane task in the grand scheme of things, but it is an act of love toward my husband.
Get along well with his family
I'm blessed to have in-laws that make our life more enjoyable, but they are human and have their moments, as we all do. When they do say something "button-pushing", I avoid conflict at all costs. I bite my tongue, turn the other cheek, walk away...whatever it takes to not engage in a battle with his family. I know my husband really appreciates this and sees it as an act of love for him.
Love our children well
It may not seem like a direct act of love to my husband when I pour my love onto our children, but it is very much an act of love to him. When he knows his children are happy, well loved, well cared for, safe, and are engaging in a healthy mother/daughter relationship with me, it's one less thing on his plate to worry about. He can then focus on providing for our family and not feel like his time with our daughters needs to be spent doing damage control.
Keep up physical appearance
Taking a shower, putting on makeup, fixing my hair, and dressing in something other than sweats, shows my husband I care about how I look when he's around. Eating healthy and exercising contribute to my overall appearance, mood, and health. These are all acts of love because when I love myself well, I'm better able to love my man well.
Prepare healthy and delicious meals
You've no doubt heard the saying, the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. When I prepare a healthy and delicious meal, I'm doing something loving for my husband. I score real love points when I cook one of his favorite meals (hot wings) and open an ice cold beer for him to enjoy with it. Likewise, when I insist on Salmon and salad for dinner or we have chicken breasts seemingly every night because it's the healthier choice, I'm doing so as an act of love and concern for his health. Even packing a lunch for him every day is a way of saying, "I love you."
Connect with him
I have a difficult time being an active listener when the kids are awake and there are constant interruptions to our conversations. But every night after the kids go to bed, I intentionally spend time connecting with my husband. No TV. No Computer. No phone. Just the two of us behind closed doors where active listening, communication, and intimacy occur. We are consistent in this routine because without it, it's too easy to fall on the couch and get lost in the latest Big Bang Theory, only to soon fall asleep missing out on precious time together.
Indulge him with playfulness
It's not easy to switch gears from focused mom to flirtatious wife, but when I do, I'm showing my husband I love and desire him. A quick text message, a sexy note dropped into his lunch bag, or whispering something playful in his ear during a hug lights his fire, making him feel loved and special. I try to do this regularly, but admit there's much room for improvement.
Have a positive attitude
Sometimes life spins out of control. Big trials seem like a dark cloud overhead that will never pass. Even in those times, I've tried my best to keep a positive attitude and outlook. My Pastor preached on trials and faith this weekend and the word he used that struck a chord with me was "Temporary." Trials are temporary. Keep smiling and trust God has everything under control. Remaining positive is an act of love toward your husband.
Do something he enjoys
My husband is a major fan of all things superhero. So a few years back, I attended the San Diego Comicon with him and admit it was pretty awesome. I also watch all of the superhero movies with him and support him in his ever growing comic book collection. It's possible I'm becoming a little bit comic book geek myself. Maybe... Still, I know he appreciates that he can talk to me about his passions, knowing I won't judge, but will instead encourage him in them.
Respect his leadership
I often refer to my husband as our CFO (chief financial officer) and won't spend money without first running it by him. This is not because I'm following his "rules" or feeling the need to get his permission before buying something. It's more out of respect for what he's trying to accomplish for our family - financial security. Additionally, I respect his decisions for our family because I know he spends a lot of time praying and analyzing them from every angle before making a move. Giving him this kind of respect is an act of love.
Brag about him
Whenever possible, I try to brag about how great my husband is. When he sees I've written something about him here on my blog, it touches his heart. When he hears me talking to a friend about something amazing he did for me or for our family, his heart swells with confidence and love. He engages in plenty of negative self-talk. He needs me to praise him to the world.
Have I shared with you lately just how awesome my husband is? My husband is incredible!
- Did you hear how he saved my life?
- Did you know he stocks up on my favorite dark chocolate the week before my period arrives?
- Did you know he once wrote me an amazingly romantic love letter?
- Did you know one year for Christmas he sent me on a treasure hunt through our house to find my the gift he had for me...a tiny little box filled with diamond-sparkling love?
- Did you know when I get sick and can only lay on the cool tile bathroom floor in misery, my husband takes time off work, handles the kids, keeps the house running smoothly, and checks in on me regularly?
- Did you know when I feel under spiritual attack from the enemy, my husband will wrap his arms around me and pray powerful prayers of God's promises and His peace for me?
I love him so much! I am truly blessed to have him in my life.
What ways do you show your love to your husband? I'd love for you to share!
I think many of us need encouragement to know we're doing a good job as a wife, but also many of us would love inspiration to become even better!
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Love is definitely in the air!