Planning a birthday party for our child is often just as exciting for us as it is for them. My daughter is about to turn 7 and now that my husband is back to work, we've decided this birthday will be a party year for her. It's been a few years since we've been able to afford one for her.
I remember her first birthday like it was yesterday. It was this huge bash with at least 30 people {mostly grownups} celebrating her special day with us. Of course, the first birthday is really just a big party for the parents.
Her 2nd and 3rd birthday's she had cake and ice cream celebrations at "school." {Our fancy word for daycare!} Birthday number 4 was Chuck E Cheese and again there were at least 30 people, although this time the child/adult ratio evened out a bit.
This year, we've run into a slight problem in our party planning.
We don't know her friends or where they live, so inviting them to her party is going to be somewhat challenging.
I know! She's 7. How do we not know her friends or where they live?
Well, quite simply, we've only lived in this area since just before she started Kindergarten. Before that we lived on a different coast. So we've only been exposed to the children she goes to church with {in a different city then the one we live in} and those who've participated in Girl Scouts with her.
But the children she hangs with every day at school, during lunch and on the playground at recess, we've yet to meet. They don't go to the same church or participate in the after school activities we've been a part of.
One would think inviting her school friends to her party would be as simple as sending her to school with invitations to hand out to the entire class {so nobody would feel left out.}
Except this is the note she came home from school with:
So what's a mom to do? She's crushed…and truthfully, so am I!
In fact, I'm so irritated I feel like emailing her teacher a nasty mommy gram. I won't. But it makes me feel better to rant a bit. I mean, what's the big deal with passing out a simple invitation that her friends will slip into their back pack and give to their parents when they get home?
Apparently, it's too much of a distraction.
Hand them out during lunch or recess? Nope. Not allowed.
Have I mentioned she's a straight A student and doesn't cause problems in class - ever?
Ugh! I know, I know… the rules are for everyone and are there for a reason, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't change the fact that it's irritating, and yes, an inconvenience.
I know some of you may be thinking I'm crazy. It's a birthday party, not a wedding. Invite her best friend over for a sleepover and call it a day. Well, I'm sure there will be birthdays when we do something simple like that. This happens to be a year when we can do something nicer for her and would like to act on it because who knows what next year will bring.
Anyway, it's time for me to get over my irritation and move forward. I'm a firm believer in finding the good in our circumstances.
And God, pushing and prodding the way He likes to do while changing me from the inside out, now has me thinking.
At what age do our children transition from inviting everyone they know to their birthday party to only inviting the small handful of close friends they truly hang out with?
This is a good time to start teaching my daughter the value and blessing of close friendships, even if it means having fewer kids show up to those special moments in her life. The reality is, it's not necessary to invite an entire classroom of kids when she really only enjoys the company of three or four of them.
I reflect on my friendships.
I'm a pretty outgoing, social person. I have a lot of friends. Yet I can name only one or two people I truly consider deep, loving friends who know me for who I am and still accept me despite my flaws. These are friends I can go weeks or months without talking to {life sometimes gets hectic,} yet when we do talk it's as though we pick up right where we left off, no hard feelings, no guilt. Only love.
When I'm celebrating a joyous event in my life, it's my close friends and family members I want by my side. It's nice to be able to invite all the other friends too, but it's really not necessary.
Does that make me sound insensitive? If so, I don't mean to. I'm simply being honest.
It's not always easy to develop deep, meaningful friendships.
It's even harder to do when our time together is shared among a larger group of people. How will my daughter nurture the true friendships she has if she is spreading herself too thin among 16 other kids?
Does this mean she shouldn't be friends with those outside her little circle? No. In fact, I'm always telling her to make sure she's a friend to everyone.
This year's birthday celebration will simply give my daughter an opportunity to deepen the bond she has with the friends she hangs out with most.
After all, a party's a party, no matter how small.
I'm curious... How have you gotten to know your young child's friends and the friend's parents?
Rosann Cunningham
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Oh man..I haven't had to do this yet..but I HAVE thought about it (probably more than normal people) and it terrifies me!! Right now, Nicholas (our oldest) goes to preschool at our church -- talk about a perfect situation! So many things will change when he starts "real" school. I just don't know how the "new friends-thing" will work.....especially since we always have a big party at our house, for birthdays. (We love to get our family and friends together for a meal and the birthday song). So far, our friends' kids are Nicholas/AJ's friends -- it works out great. School adds in a WHOLE new layer of friends! When you have it all figured out - let me know
I was just talking last night to a mom about when you make the transition to smaller, close friends only, birthday parties. I think we're still a few years away, but she said she's started it already {her boys are 7 and 9}. She also said she gives them the option of a big outing {like Six Flags} with one friend or a party.
I don't know a lot of Julia's friends from school. I've met all the girls and know four of them moms fairly well {out of 13}. As for Hannah, because she started school in February, after all the parents first met, I know none of her little friends OR their parents. It's a little weird for me...
Hmm.. very interesting.. I remember when I was in fourth grade, a girl passed out birthday invitations to our entire class & I went. I swear my mom used the same method for me when I was in 1st grade because my whole class showed up at my party. Makes me wonder what I'll do for my daughter when the time comes to gather all her friends. My only thought is to maybe volunteer several times for school activities and see who your children hang out with. OR ask your children to gather phone numbers of their closest friends so you can call their parents to invite them and get addresses. I think my mom has done that as well, but still that's only for smaller parties.
Well you got me thinking... thanks for the post. (BTW, my daughter is only 9 months! So I have some time to sort through things like this!)
I have no clue what I'll do when I get to that point. In the past, my policy regarding birthdays has been 'come one come all' but this past year I decided to just have a family party for Brie. And this summer JD is going to have a small family birthday shared with his cousin Norah.
Good friendships are very important to me and I want my kids to have a solid group of friends who are grounded in Christ. Actually, hubby and I are already praying for their future friendships.
It's good to start thinking about all of these issues early. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter in a few months or a year.
Cheers,
Char