There she is, your friend's adorable little girl standing alone at a social gathering. You approach her with a smile, kneel down to her level and say "Hello sweetheart! How are you today?" The child knows who you are, but instead of politely responding with a smile or the word "good" she gives you a nasty glare and then takes the coloring picture she's clinging to and swats it at you as she walks away.
If my daughter responded this way to someone she knew who had approached her to say hello, I would be horrified!
Of course there are always extreme circumstances when developmentally, a particular child may not be responsive to certain social situations. On average though, most children are capable of behaving with politeness towards others by the time they reach school age, if not sooner.
Teaching our children good social skills and manners is important:
- so they can enjoy long lasting, meaningful relationships throughout their life
- so they can one day become successful in achieving their personal, educational, and career goals
- so they can shine like a bright light of God's love to the people around them
How Can We Teach Our Children Politeness?
Lead by example. If you've heard the phrase "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" you know what I'm talking about here. Our children are constantly watching how we conduct ourselves as grown-ups. If we're having a bad day for example, and show unmannerly behavior towards the people we come in contact with, our children hear our message loud and clear. What they hear is that rudeness is acceptable.
Correct poor social skills on the spot. We are our child's parent, not their friend. It's our job to correct our children when they're behaving impolitely. Of course, we don't have to humiliate them in front of a crowd. But there is nothing inappropriate about pulling them aside, kneeling down on their level and using our authoritative mommy voice to explain the polite way to respond, even to the point of sending them back into the situation to apologize.
Role play. We can't expect our children to display politeness if they've never been taught how to. A good way to teach children good social manners is to role play with them during play. Make it fun for them. Role play with really polite and courteous manners and then switch it up and show them really impolite behavior. Take the time to discuss how our behavior can be hurtful to others.
Acknowledge and reward good manners. Children love being showered with hugs, kisses, compliments, and even special rewards or treats for doing something great. When they see the attention they get from you {and the person being blessed by their politeness} they'll be more likely to continue that behavior going forward.
How do you teach your child politeness?
~Until next time, may God bless you and your children!
Rosann Cunningham
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Hey Rosann - You write the most awesome, thought provoking posts about parenting. I really do take a good amount of your "advice" to heart! Sometimes, like this post, it's common sense, but, we all just need a little reminder ourselves of how to behave properly!
I wanted to tell you about your post about taking away your little one's plate (was it Abby's??) when she wouldn't sit down to dinner. We did that just ONE time in our house - - I think my little Miss NoNo was horrified that someone would actually TAKE her plate from the table - lol. But, wow!, it worked unbelievably well. Thanks!
Have a great week!
{{hugs}}
Carla, you are so sweet!
I'm glad you like my parenting tips. I don't like to call it advice because I'm still learning and stumbling along the path of motherhood, but I do like to share my experiences through my writing. So it makes me very happy that it's helpful to others. The plate incident was with Faith, who I swear has ants in her pants. She just can't seem to sit still through a meal. But, since that particular action occurred where she had her plate taken away, she has been noticeably better. It must have had the desired effect. 
Glad it did with your little one too!
Blessings,
Rosann
This is great. I have a nephew that refuses to say, "Hi" to me sometimes. It rubs me the wrong way. I don't hear my own kids being that way, but they have their misfortunes. They are not perfect.
Alissa, thanks for stopping by and for your comment!
My kids are far from perfect too. In fact, I'm still trying to tame my 6yr old from being "too friendly!" She loves to give hugs and will often run up to someone she doesn't even know, but has seen me talk to before {so they must be Ok, right?}, and will throw herself at them hugging at their legs nearly knocking them over on occasion. Of course the recipient always smiles and is very polite to her, but I worry that she's invading their personal space and comfort zone. It's hard to explain to a very loving child that not everyone welcomes her "muggings."
Blessings,
Rosann
I am most proud of my children's manners! Great advice, and sad to see the way some children behave now. Love your blog! I will follow for sure!
Jessica, thanks for stopping by, for the follow, and for your comment! You are too sweet!
I love those special times when my kids show the world how well mannered they are. It gives me an opportunity to give myself a silent "atta-girl" for teaching them well and I get to see how they show God's light of love to someone else. Very cool!
Blessings,
Rosann
Great post! My husband and I work hard to encourage and teach good manners in/to our children. I completely agree on the "parent not friend" and "role play" ideas. We strive to be great models for them as well!
Christine, I'm so happy that you stopped by today. Thank you for your comment. It's not always easy to be the parent when we can't help but look ahead to the teen years and know that we want our kids to feel comfortable talking to us about everything at that time as well. But...God has blessed us with the responsibility of raising His children to be followers and believers of Christ. In doing so, the simple things like teaching politeness and manners helps them to ultimately behave more Christ-like which is what everyone should be striving for. Have a great 4th of July weekend.
Many Blessings,
Rosann
Our oldest child's first words were "thank you" which filled us with so much pride as young parents! The main reason I think this is the case is because we led by example and were always sure to help him understand the role that the simple words "thank you" play in society. We try really hard to teach by example and I know there is plenty we still need to work on as parents as we strive to raise our children to be polite and considerate of others and it's a process for everyone but I think it's a well-worth process!
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I am following you now and am excited to read more of your wonderful posts
Have a wonderful weekend.
Judy, it's so cool that you mentioned your oldest child's first words were "thank you" because my oldest child's first words were "thank you" as well! You are the only other person I've come across so far that has mentioned that! I remember feeling so proud when she would say her little "thank you" because it meant that so far I was doing something right in my parenting. Since then, my oldest has become the "rule follower" in our home. She makes sure we're all behaving according to our house rules, and if we don't she is quick to point it out. My little one, on the other hand is quite the rebel which is somewhat scary to me. I'm hoping this behavior is just a phase.
So happy to connect with you!!
Have a great 4th of July!
Rosann
Great post! We've been teaching our 19mth old son to say "Hi, bye, thank you" esp to other children. Some times the other children don't respond back and my son gives us the look of "Why?". We tell him not everyone is a nice person and he did nothing wrong. We think its very important to teach him to be kind and thankful because those are traits he will need in life to grown and make meaningful relationships. We shower him everyday with hugs, kisses and tell him that we love him so much.
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog! I am following you back and excited to read more of your post.
Crissy, Thank you for stopping by and following! I'm so excited to have you.
It sounds like you and your hubby have a great start on teaching your son politeness!
Blessings,
Rosann
It’s important to learn good manners early. A book emphasizing good manners as well as the Golden Rule is The Magic Word by Sherrill S. Cannon. In a society full of bullying and self-centered children, it is helpful to teach your children the benefits of consideration for others and being polite. This book is a rhyming story of a little girl who was rude, selfish and demanding – and had very few friends. Her mother suggested that she needed to improve her manners; so when she went to school the next day, she thought of her mother’s advice, “What is the magic word?” and she started saying “Please” and also “Thank You”. She tried to become more thoughtful of others, and discovered that she was a much happier person. The repetitive use of the phrase “What is the magic word?” has children answering “Please”! One of the important lines in the story is “If you want to make friends, you must be polite and treat them the way that you know you would like”. That’s what the Golden Rule is all about
Sherrill, thanks for stopping by! I'll definitely check out your book. We love to read in our home so another book that teaches politeness is certainly welcome!
Many Blessings,
Rosann
Loved this! My 5-year-old daughter would definetly be the girl in you first example, though she wouldn't swat. She's has just been shy since birth! We're working on it. I am a huge believer in role plays. I think they are effective for almost anything. I just need to do more of them. A great reminder.
As much as I dislike role play situations (horrid flashbacks from role playing during corporate training classes - eeek!) I also believe they are very helpful with teaching children right and wrong behavior. I'm so glad you stopped by!
Blessings,
Rosann
Hi! I'm your newest follower, and glad to be one
I wrote a similar post on teaching kids respect. They're never too early to learn. As for some adults, they too need a lesson or two on politeness and respect.
This is such a good post. I remember how horrified I was when my daughter snubbed my professors' greetings to her many years ago. I'm just glad she grew up and managed to change her ways.
And I so love your blog hence I'm awarding you a Sunshine Award. Keep on posting
http://mommygrowingup.blogspot.com/2011/11/sunshine-award.html
Thank you Katya!
I LOVE everything about this. And what a good idea to role play! Thanks for the helpful advice
I agree with Elisa, the idea of role playing is great. I have not tried this yet but will do as my son has the tendency to be shy around new people.
(Oh and by the way, I used to be a snobbish little girl, though I don't remember swatting anyone with anything. I just remember glaring at people and running away when I was forced to greet them. Haha)
I have been embarrassed when children have been unpolite - particularly when the parents do not say a word or laugh!
Great blog. I've had a good time reading through your posts. You are a great writer and have great ideas!
I'm a new fb follower from the s.m. hop (via personal account so it counts). It would be great if you could stop by my page when you get the chance
My Baby Sleep Guide
Thanks,
Rachel
[...] Teaching Politeness to Our Children [...]
Hi Rosann,
I am popping over from Barbie's blog and the feature she did about you. I think your writings are wonderful! I love what you have written here about teaching politeness to children. I often find myself re-evaluating how I have taught certain things to my son (who is 20 now) versus how I will teach them to my daughter (who just made 1). Politeness and respect for others is one of the big rocks. I especially agree with affirming them when they have done things right. It is very powerful. Thanks for writing this post! I pray the rest of your holiday season is beautiful!
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